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Masturbation
CALL OUR OFFICE
During regular hours if:
-Your child continues to masturbate when other people are around.
-You suspect that your child has been taught to masturbate by someone.
-Your child tries to masturbate others.
-You feel your child is unhappy.
-You cannot accept any masturbation by your child.
-This approach does not bring improvement within 1 month.
-You have other questions or concerns.
During regular hours if:
-Your child continues to masturbate when other people are around.
-You suspect that your child has been taught to masturbate by someone.
-Your child tries to masturbate others.
-You feel your child is unhappy.
-You cannot accept any masturbation by your child.
-This approach does not bring improvement within 1 month.
-You have other questions or concerns.
1. Set realistic goals.
It is impossible to eliminate masturbation. Accept the fact that your child has learned about it and enjoys it. All that you can control is where he does it. A reasonable goal is to permit it only in the bedroom or bathroom. You might to your child, "It's okay to do that in your bedroom when you're tired." If you completely ignore the masturbation, no matter where it's done, your child will think he can do it freely in any setting.
2. Ignore masturbation at naptime and bedtime.
Leave your child alone at these times and do not keep checking on him. Do not forbid your child from lying on the abdomen and do not ask if his hands are between his legs.
3. Distract or discipline your child for masturbation at other times.
First, try to distract your child with a toy or activity. If this fails, explain to your child: "I know that rubbing your body feels good, but you can't do that around other people. It's okay to do it in your room or the bathroom but not in the rest of the house." By the time children are 4 or 5 years old, they become sensitive to other people's feelings and understand that they should masturbate only when they are alone. Younger children may have to be sent to their rooms to masturbate.
4. Discuss this approach with your child's day care or preschool staff.
Ask your child's caregiver or teacher to respond to your child's masturbation by first trying to distract the child. If this doesn't work, they should catch the child's attention with comments such as "We need to have you join us now." Masturbation should be tolerated at school only at nap time.
5. Increase physical contact with your child.
Some children will masturbate less if they receive extra hugging and cuddling throughout the day. Try to be sure that your child receives at least one hour every day of special time together and physical affection from you.
6. Avoid these common mistakes.
The most common mistake that parents make is to try to eliminate masturbation completely. This leads to a power struggle that the parents inevitably lose. Children should not be physically punished for masturbation, nor yelled at or lectured about it. Do not label masturbation as bad, dirty, evil, or sinful, and do not tie your child's hands or use any kind of restraints. All of these approaches lead only to resistance and possibly to sexual inhibitions later.
It is impossible to eliminate masturbation. Accept the fact that your child has learned about it and enjoys it. All that you can control is where he does it. A reasonable goal is to permit it only in the bedroom or bathroom. You might to your child, "It's okay to do that in your bedroom when you're tired." If you completely ignore the masturbation, no matter where it's done, your child will think he can do it freely in any setting.
2. Ignore masturbation at naptime and bedtime.
Leave your child alone at these times and do not keep checking on him. Do not forbid your child from lying on the abdomen and do not ask if his hands are between his legs.
3. Distract or discipline your child for masturbation at other times.
First, try to distract your child with a toy or activity. If this fails, explain to your child: "I know that rubbing your body feels good, but you can't do that around other people. It's okay to do it in your room or the bathroom but not in the rest of the house." By the time children are 4 or 5 years old, they become sensitive to other people's feelings and understand that they should masturbate only when they are alone. Younger children may have to be sent to their rooms to masturbate.
4. Discuss this approach with your child's day care or preschool staff.
Ask your child's caregiver or teacher to respond to your child's masturbation by first trying to distract the child. If this doesn't work, they should catch the child's attention with comments such as "We need to have you join us now." Masturbation should be tolerated at school only at nap time.
5. Increase physical contact with your child.
Some children will masturbate less if they receive extra hugging and cuddling throughout the day. Try to be sure that your child receives at least one hour every day of special time together and physical affection from you.
6. Avoid these common mistakes.
The most common mistake that parents make is to try to eliminate masturbation completely. This leads to a power struggle that the parents inevitably lose. Children should not be physically punished for masturbation, nor yelled at or lectured about it. Do not label masturbation as bad, dirty, evil, or sinful, and do not tie your child's hands or use any kind of restraints. All of these approaches lead only to resistance and possibly to sexual inhibitions later.